Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Valentine's Gifts for Her

I was born on Valentine's Day 46 years ago (IT'S NOT 47 YEARS UNTIL NEXT WEEK, ANNIE!!), therefore I firmly believe that, by birth I am expert in all things Valentine.



This is a very difficult holiday for men. They have no idea what to give us to make us happy.  They have no idea what is "romantic."  And every woman's idea of the perfect Valentine is different. The poor things cannot win for losing. When I think about them with this issue I truly feel sorry for them.

But on the other hand, it is important that they squirm a little in their crusade to express their love.  When else do they really have to try?  Not very often.  Maybe our birthday and anniversary.  A little.  But at those times they either have a huge clue or we're getting a joint gift (that usually leans their way).  Valentines Day is a day for chivalry, romanticism, going-the-extra-mile, TRYING for goodness' sake.


We would love for them to dig deep inside themselves, think HARD about who we are, and produce a shining token of their love.  Isn't our dream that they overcome their Neanderthal nature and become a Renaissance man for just a moment?  Yes.  Oh yes it is our dream.

But our poor Neanderthals either can't summon up that level of thinking/emotion, or . . . . they just don't.  And so they often rely on retailers.  Hence the reputation that Valentines Day is a crass, retail-driven opportunity.  Which is a cop-out by men nationwide.  And any self-respecting feminist is only acting the fool when she buys into this argument.  Men should be obligated to show chivalry at least once a year.

But, since so many men are relying on advertising to lead their way rather than digging deep, we will be sorely disappointed.









So to the point of this post . . . lady-friends-of-mine, have you ever noticed that every advertisement about the perfect Valentines gifts are nothing you would ever want?  For example:






A very high end department store (not Neiman's, thank goodness) suggested that I would love a leopard print bangle bracelet.









A radio host said that chocolate-dipped strawberries and a teddy bear would be right up my alley.






I don't want pajamas.  I have plenty.







I don't want cheap chocolates that I have to bite to see if I even want to eat them.










A crazily-designed heart shaped necklace made out of who-knows-what only means that I can wear it with who-knows-what





So sorry, but I don't want a pink robe or lingerie that I don't know how to put on.


I want you.  I want your heart.  I want your love. . . the expression of your love.  It's hard, very hard.  I know that, but that is exactly what makes it so important.

A two-line poem, like:

I hitched up my undershorts, and
thought, wow I love Mary.

This, handwritten and tucked inside a Valentines card would blow my mind!!


A verbal statement with naked longing and you- looking into my eyes, like:

I am going to sit here next to you on the couch
for 30 minutes, because I just want to be close to you.

Would kill me.


A very-easy-personal-gift, like a photo from your phone
that you decided to print out at the last minute, would rock my world:






Men (all 2 of you who read this) -- it really, really doesn't take much to make us swoon. Because we're sympathetic women, most of us understand how hard it is on Valentines Day.  If you can do it, just pull up your innermost feelings and tell us how you FEEL, even for a moment.  This is the best gift ever. 

Thank you!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Oh - And My Alltime Favorite. . .

. . . Get out of my way, moron! Who says you can't drive 70 on ice?!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Ice Storm

Love the winter emergencies of the South:
  • Days under 50 degrees are COLD.
  • Winter begins in November, even though you still sweat outside at 4:00 in the morning.
  • Don't you dare criticize me if I'm wearing coat, gloves, hat, scarf. . . even if you're wearing shorts and a tube top.
  • Christmas typically means air conditioning.
  • Overcast skies in December are ominous -- even if it's 70 outside.
  • Driving is hazardous if it's under 60 and raining. There's no way I can make it to work today.
  • Of course you can see Christmas lights through leaves!
  • Black ice?  What ice?
  • Who needs a sled -- use a trash can lid.
  • Oh my gosh something's wrong with me!!  I'm breathing smoke!
  • I love that brown snowman.
  • It's still a school snow day, even if it's 80 by noon. We are totally incapacitated.
Ice Storm -- February 1, 2011